Happy New Year!
I originally posted this on Facebook but decided that it deserved a space on my website.
This isn’t a “fresh start” post. The whole “new year” is an arbitrary measurement tool when it’s just a continuation of whatever path you’ve chosen.
And every day, every hour, every minute we choose something.
Yes, we have social and environmental factors that impact our choices. If you embody a marginalized identity, the social environment is aggressively hostile and severely limits your choices. Everything pushes you to conform, to amputate whole sections of yourself to gain access to human rights. To sacrifice your physical & emotional self to fight for your human rights. The choices we’re presented with are hot fucking garbage that people will believe are their only choices because that’s all they see.
But if life has taught me anything, it’s that there are other choices — the ones you create.
I’ve spent the last four years creating opportunities for myself and others. I’ve identified loopholes and cracks in the armor of conformity and tried to expand them so that I and others stuck outside can sneak through. While that ain’t gonna change, I’m not going to grind myself into a nub trying to do it and I’m going to be a lot more careful about who I share my space with. If you can’t publicly acknowledge our relationship, then we don’t have one. I’m tired and I’m not entertaining anybody’s fuckshit anymore.
This ain’t a reset button cuz reset means I need to relearn all the shit I spent this past year, and every year prior, understanding. This is an opportunity to reaffirm my intentions and condone choosing my path and altering it when necessary. This is me, actively choosing my course and moving forward. This is me choosing to prioritize protecting and nurturing myself in this fight for my full human existence.
I’m not here for you. I’m here for me and the people who openly choose to grow and fight for their humanity, their right to have full lives that don’t feel with the norm alongside me.
And the moment you try to convince me that I need to be less than who I am is the moment you can join the rest of the sheep and rot in the reality of your half-lived life.
Conformity will not save you…it just makes you another one of the walking dead and I have no interest in mutilating myself to prolong the cannibalizing illusion of freedom the status quo preserves as a fucking prize.
And if that’s what you choose for yourself, keep your pestilence far the fuck away from me cuz I’ll show you who and what you are and I promise you won’t like it.
Live & love with integrity and intention.
Fight for the most vulnerable and marginalized.
Reflect and learn from your experiences and the experiences of others.
Admit, own, and grow from your mistakes.
Choose not to become a better fucking monster.
Love yourself and take time to heal.
It’s 2020 bitches. Know better and do better. The world depends on it.
If you appreciate or learned from this essay, please feel free to compensate me by contributing to my Paypal or CashApp. You can contribute any amount you want at any time:
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Originally published at https://talynnkel.com on January 2, 2020.
