TW: Ranting despair and suicide
I hate this life. I hate almost everything about it. I hate that I have to sell my time and, according to the middle management overlords, my autonomy, creativity, and literal thoughts to get access to the resources I need to survive. I hate that I spent 40+ years of my life having to figure out the least awful way to sell myself for access to those resources. I hate that I have to steal moments of joy any fucking way I can to convince myself that I should want to wake up and endure another day of this shit.
I hate that I never felt safe, comfortable, or supported enough to want children. I don’t regret not having them, but I do regret the multitude of ways these fuckers made that shit unbelievably dangerous for both me and any children I would have. I hate that I have to spend all my time trying to circumvent the life-endangering obstacles created specifically to make my life harder.
I hate that I live among warmongering monsters. I hate that I am forced every fucking day to brace myself for their habitual cruelty and heal myself from the wounds they inflict globally. That I have to manage the damage I take from their disciples and accomplices. That I have to fucking pretend I’m not hurting while they rampage across the globe, demanding control of everything under the threat of mass death.
I hate it. I Hate It. I HATE IT!!!1
But you can’t say these things aloud because there are already mechanisms in play ready to strip me of my autonomy and imprison me “for my own good.” “My own good” which is really their own good because people who don’t agree with the oppressor, who don’t conform, who don’t obey, who don’t act in accordance with how they have decided people should behave are the enemy. And the enemy shall always be subdued with extreme force.
This is the world settler-colonizers created. And anytime their desires were hindered, they increased their use of force and when the people in their way defended themselves, they claimed that they were the real victims and wiped out entire families, cities, cultures, etc. to get what they wanted.
Then they look at their violent ass, entitled children and ask, “why are they so violent? It must be the savages around them.” The savages — oh the victims of…